That bitch looks like Brian Urlacher

Happy Easter everyone! In celebration I am going to share my very interesting interaction with some douchebag (since I have had a story in awhile) while waiting for the bus last night. This guy comes up to me last night and asks me when the bus is coming because his phone died. I know anytime someone asks me this after midnight on any night it is going to be an interaction so I tell him not for another 15 minutes. Douchebag just responds with, Oh man I just want to go home. He told me that he went to Bone Thugs and Harmony and told me he could get into any show he wanted VIP. I just told him that was nice hoping he would shut up. He then asked me if I was Indian with which I responded with NO. He asked me what my nationality was and then he immediately asked me if I stayed in a Mexican or Black neighborhood. At this point I just shot him a dirty look and didn't respond. Douchebag laughs and tells me that "he's just messing with me." I told him that it wasn't funny and continued to look on my phone.

After a minute of silence he asks me if he can "take me out" so I just tell him no. Then he asks me if I have a man, which for whatever reason I HATE more than anything. I don't know but I just absolutely hate it. He asks me if my "man" is black and I tell him no. He then asks a bunch of other questions but at this point I am just ignoring him. He then tells me that I should take his number down anyway and that he could change my mind. He told me that if I gave him a chance he would treat me with respect. After another minute of silence he just laughs out loud and tells me he has a girlfriend. I looked at him and said, "why did you just ask out if you have a girlfriend?" He just told me that his girlfriend didn't care. I then asked him why he didn't take his girlfriend to BTAH at the Metro and he just said, "Oh she's at home doing laundry." He then told me that he was tired of his girlfriend but it doesn't matter because he knows that she loves him a lot. I just told him that if his girlfriend loved him a lot he probably shouldn't ask random girls out. He just told me that he doesn't care and that his family is from Iran and that his grandfather has 10 different wives. I couldn't help but get mad because I could not believe how ignorant this dude was being at that moment. I told him that if he felt that way he should probably move over there because American women don't appreciate men going behind their backs and cheating on them with other women. He just said, "nahhh it's not like that I respect women." I just told him it's not respecting women if you're lying to them. His only response was what my girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her. WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

I must mention that I was waiting for the bus near Berlin so there was a ton of fights, drunk people, and drag queens walking around. He just kept saying he couldn't believe that men would want to dress up like women and looked disgusted. After he told me about his girlfriend I finally said, "That's the great thing about America is that you can be whoever you want to be, you should probably move out of America." He didn't say anything to that but there was someone dressed in drag in a sparkly gold dress and a black wig. He just kept saying, "MAN THAT BITCH LOOKS LIKE A FUCKED UP BRIAN URLACHER." Which is the only interesting thing he said in the entire 20 minutes I had to deal with this asshole.

Finally the bus approaches and I get on a nearly empty bus. I knew that this guy was going to try to sit next to me and sure enough he asked if he could sit next to me. I said yes because over the years I have learned it's just a hell of a lot easier to be nice than it is being a bitch to random assholes who have no fucking clue in life. Anyway he sat down next to me and said that he likes my company. WHAT. THE. FUCK? I guess at 3 a.m. you can't be surprised by anything. The bus takes off and he keeps talking to me but at this point I am checked out because he told me his stop was Ashland so I knew he was getting off before me and I knew that I didn't have to deal with him for much longer. He then catches my attention by saying, "What if I didn't get off at Ashland? Then you would be scared, huh?" Then he just laughs really loud. I just looked at him and said, "I know how to handle myself so don't get any ideas." He just laughs and finally the Ashland stop comes up. He tells me goodbye and get off the bus.

I attract the highest quality of men. HAPPY EASTER TO ME.