Oh I thought you were Indian because you had your nose pierced

Ok, so I am typing this out on my phone so there will probably be more typos than usual in this post. JUST A FAIR WARNING!

Alright so onto the real reason I am writing this post as I'm sure you're dying to know inside. So unless you've had your head completely up your ass I'm sure everyone has noticed how much race and race issues have been in the news lately. With everything from Trayvon Martin to idiots on the interwebs causing an uproar about the fact that Marc Anthony sung the national anthem at the All-Star game last week. I have noticed a shift in people's attitudes lately about race and it's actually kind of unsettling. It just seems to me that everyone seems to be on the defense on both sides. I kind of just wish everyone would relax.

I have been thinking about this a lot and for someone who is not white I am going to write about it. Will this be different from anything else you've read about someone writing about their race and how people judge them on the way that they act??? PROBABLY NOT but I'm going to give it a shot anyway.

So first off let me tell you that I am half African American (if we're going to be politically correct) and half Mexican. Well as far as I know anyway and I say that because I've never met my biological father. So yeah I immediately have a different perspective since I am not white, right?? Well I don't think so most of the time because I never really understood how I was different skin color wise until I hit puberty. I knew everyone looked different but never fully understood what race was because I grew up in a mixed family. I am the oldest of 4 children. My sisters and brothers all have the same dad (my step dad) who happens to be white. None of us look alike so it never dawned on me that it was because we were different races!! Pictures of me and my family below.

Since my family was so different I just thought that everyone else was different. One of my sisters was born with blonde hair, has blue eyes, and is super pale. WE CAME OUT OF THE SAME VAGINA so I think it sometimes makes sense why I can't grasp racial differences between people. ANYWAY I read all the time how people have experienced racism their whole life but living in such a diverse family on the north side of Chicago and the suburbs of  Chicago I guess I didn't experience racism that much. Now trust me I've experienced it enough but never enough to be angry all the time about it. Sometimes when I read blogs or talk to people I feel as if some people are just so angry about race issues and will always be mad about it which makes me sad because I feel like hatred towards that kind of stuff is just a waste of energy.

 I remember the first time I got made fun of for being half Mexican and not knowing how to speak Spanish. This was when I was in 6th grade and I went to a pre-dominantly Spanish public school. The boys in my class would make fun of me all the time and would call me "nigger" in Spanish which I didn't speak much Spanish but I figured that shit out real quick. This happening resulted in a lot of fist fights with boys. I always thought this was funny because I actually didn't even know I was half black until I was in high school when my mother finally decided to tell me I was half black. This news didn't phase me because I thought who cares about race??? I still til this day hold that same mentality because SERIOUSLY WHO CARES??

Now since I did find out that information I was made fun of all the time for not acting black or Mexican. In fact when I was in high school one of my nicknames that my friends gave me was Blaxicant because I never "stereotypically" acted like either race or ethnicity whatever the fuck you want to call it. I was never mad when my friends made fun of me. I even made fun of myself all the time for it. I mean I had an insane love for pop punk music, I went to high school in the suburbs, baseball was my favorite sport, all of my crushes were dudes in shitty pop punk bands, and I blogged about my feelings (nothing has changed obviously).

This always brought up another question of mine how does one actually act black or Mexican?? Or white??? or whatever race you want to insert in there. Why is it that if you don't act a stereotypical way people feel the need to comment or judge you for the way you act??? I mean I get told all the time I act white because of the reasons above. Sure, I love shitty pop music and maybe I am generally attracted to men who usually have the skin complexion of Edward Cullen but just because I have terrible taste in music and I like pasty men doesn't mean that I act white. Or whatever stupid bullshit that someone is going to say when I tell them I know every single word to Sum 41's Fat Lip BECAUSE CLEARLY THAT'S SOME WHITE PEOPLE SHIT!!!

In the past I've had a lot of black (okay in done being politically correct) co-workers and they would always make comments on how I never acted black. Or they would make comments when I did "act black" such as my love for fried chicken or when I would dance. This too never bothered me but I always thought it was interesting that they felt the need to point it out when I was or wasn't acting black. I even had one of my co-workers tell me the other day that she was looking at my pictures and noticed that how a lot of my friends were white. She wasn't even judging me or anything but she felt the need to make this observation. This is also something that I have dealt with people making comments about how a lot of my friends were white do I ever get mad about it??? Nope because who cares!! 

Now if you didn't notice from the pictures above I don't necessarily look black or Mexican or so I've been told countless times. I would say about multiple times a week I get asked by strangers where I'm from, or what's your ethnicity? Or from all the idiots if I'm Indian! Which never made any sense to me. I never understood why what I look like concerns so many people or why they are intrigued enough to ask me about it. NEVER in my life have I looked in a mirror and thought oh I look so "insert race here" today!!! Because trust me I have gotten everything from Indian, Puerto Rican, Egyptian, South American, Bangladesh (I know right??) and every kind of non white you can imagine. Now this is one thing that makes me mad for whatever reason.

I think I get mad because I don't understand why anyone even cares. I'm just a person who cares what my ethnicity is but alas idiots ask me all the time. This was actually brought up this weekend with the dude that I'm currently making sex with and he responded with, "well you're not white so that automatically makes you interesting."

It just doesn't make sense to me and what also doesn't make sense to me is how often people feel compelled to be stupid and ask me my ethnicity and then when I tell them they respond with something even dumber. Seriously I have had people say on multiple occasions when I tell people that I'm half black and half Mexican "Oh I thought you were Indian because you had your nose pierced." SERIOUSLY ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT??? 

Do people realize how ignorant they sound when they say things like that?? I guess not otherwise they wouldn't say shit like that. 

My favorite occurrence of someone saying something incredibly stupid to me happened when I was at work one day. A customer came into the store I work in an I greeted him hello. I should have known it was going to be an interesting interaction because not only did he completely avoid eye contact with me he had the mannerism of Gollum from Lord of The Rings. I asked him if he needed help with anything and he responded with something that was in audible. I assumed he wanted to be left alone so I just said, "okay well let me know if you need help with anything." He repeated what he had said because he realized I hadn't heard him. I still couldn't understand him because he wasn't speaking English at that point even though spoke English. I must have looked dumbfounded because then the customer said something along the lines of he greeted me in peace or some bullshit. Then he says and I shit you not, "it's in Muslim because you're Muslim, right??" I couldn't help but think, MOTHERFUCKER ARE YOU SERIOUS?? Then I thought what an idiot because Muslim is a religion not a language!

So yeah I have to deal with some ignorant shit on a regular basis but I usually find the humor in it or I try to anyway. I read all these articles or blog posts and it seems that some people have a chip on their shoulder for not being white and it makes me kind of sad. Especially with all the recent events in the  news it has never been more clear to me that race and racism is still a big problem but I just wish people wouldn't waste so much of their anger on it but in a perfect world I guess.

I mean last year my own mother told me she wished I was never born so she didn't have to be hated her whole life for having a black child. MY MOM IS CRAZY I KNOW but that's another story altogether. I was kind of mad considering she gave birth to me and everything but I didn't hold onto that anger.

I mean being a performer in the City of Chicago I hear stupid shit being said all the time. I have heard more than once someone saying something about a performer getting something only based off the fact that they were black or some other race than white. Which is ridiculous to me because I never felt like I had an advantage to something just because I wasn't white. BUT HEY maybe that's what some people say in order to feel better about the fact that they didn't get a part in something. I'm not excusing them because I still think their idiots for saying shit like that.

I don't even know if there's really a point in this whole thing but it's something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Race is something that I don't discuss very often because honestly I don't want to be that person that brings up their race all the time because let's be real that can get annoying. Actually when I do stand up I try my best to stay away from it because sometimes I cringe when I see someone do a set and all they talk about is their race the entire time. Which is get it, cool that's your point of view and perspective but seriously it's already been done 573839 times and 100 times better by someone else. I WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT ALL THE DUDES I HAVE HAD SEX WITH BECAUSE DICKS AND KOS I ARE INTELLIGENT.

Wait, what was I talking about again?? Oh that's right I'm not saying I even know if there's a point to all of this but I have just been thinking about it a lot. And when I think about something a lot it always helps to write about it. This is just my perspective and I know I've said who cares a lot in this whole post but clearly I care to some extent if the post is this long. I guess I will say this though the next time you decide to say something about race or racism just in general really think about it because you don't want to look or come across as a fucking idiot.

I went and saw Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake the other night and the lay song of the night was forever young and Jay-Z dedicated it to Trayvon Martin. After the show I overheard a bunch of bros and this is how the conversation went:

Bro 1: "yeah that concert was pretty sick"

Bro 2: "yeah except for the part where they dedicated that to Trayvon Martin. Man fuck that shit."

Then Bro 2 made a fart noise with his mouth and gave a thumbs down. Maybe that example didn't have anything to do with race but those dudes sounded like fucking idiots. I feel like they're the same kind of people that tell me they think I'm Indian because I have a nose ring. Don't be like them PLEASE!!!

DON'T BE AN IDIOT. ALSO, JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS THEIR NOSE PIERCED DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE INDIAN. 

8 essentials for the summertime

Normally I post about all of the creeps I encounter but I am going to take a break from that and make a list of things that I think are essential in order to have a fun filled and successful summer. I am saying this while it is almost midnight and I am at home alone on a summer night making blog lists. TAKE MY ADVICE EVERYONE CLEARLY I'M FUN!!!

NOW ONTO THE LIST!

1. Deodorant...with you at all times

This is first on my list because, C'MON. In the summer everyone sweats ALOT and no one wants to be that smelly asshole that no one wants to sit next to on the bus. OH HELL NO. The other day this sweaty dude got on the bus and I swear he smelled like straight up dirty vaginas. It made me feel nauseated and it made the entire ride unpleasant. Also, it's not like I know what a bunch of dirty vaginas smells like BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! The point is you gotta make sure your pits are smelling fresh even when you can feel sweat in all your crevices the moment you step outside. I really wish there was an antiperspirant for boob sweat, back sweat, and upper lip sweat. SECRET GET ON IT!!!

2. Moments to TREAT YO SELF!

Shit, in summer you get worn the fuck out so you should do what I do and constantly treat yourself to things. Whether you're treating yourself to ice cream or a mani-pedi you just gotta do it. Chances are if you are feeling good then you're going to look good too and you need to look good in the summer for all the potential fuck puppets that are going to come your way. Yes, I said FUCK PUPPETS. DEAL.

3. A good fuck. Dick. SEX.

Yeah, that's right. In the summer everyone just wants to fuck. You can't even deny this fact as crude as it sounds. There is just something about the summer that just makes everyone crazy and everyone just wants to bang each other all the time. It must be the fact that it's hot and people wear a lot less clothing in the summer. Or maybe the fact that it's just sticky outside so sticky like the cum smell that is filled in the air. I think it's key to find that one person that you really enjoy having sex with and hold onto them for the summer. I mean it may be just a meaningless fling but it's better than having a bunch of disappointing hookups through out the summer. Not that, that's happened to me or anything. TEARS.

4. A good bathing suit

It's summer so naturally people want to go to the beach. The problem is that a lot of people don't really invest in a GOOD bathing suit. Sometimes when I go to the beach I just want to poke my eyeballs out. It's the one time of year where everyone that you don't want to see has it all just hanging out. I always look at those people and fear that one day someone is going to think the same thing about me. So that means I barely take off my leggings at the beach. KIDDING. It has taken me a long time to be comfortable at the beach. I do think it is important to find a bathing suit that fits you well and that you look good in. I mean you can easily find a good cheap one at forever 21 or H & M. Just do it. No one wants to feel everyone on the beach is comparing them to a beached whale. YIKES

5. Water

If I have to even elaborate as to why this is important during the summer then you are fucking stupid.

6. SEXXXX

Oh wait, did I say that already???? FUCK! Well I am putting it on the list again BECAUSE MY VAGINA SAYS SO

7. Some kind of work out routine

I know it's super hard to get motivated to work out in the summer. It's hot and the last thing anyone wants to do is go out and sweat on purpose. Even if you stick to something simple it will totally benefit you. Summer is the time to have energy and look and feel good. Exercising helps you achieve those goals and it also makes you feel less guilty when you treat yourself to ice cream 3 times a week or when you go out with your friends and order hot wings, mozzarella sticks, potato skins, chips and dip, chicken fingers, and quesadillas all one in sitting. HAHAHA AKA MY DINNER TONIGHT. So yeah working out is important in summer. It's also an excuse to get in shape to wear scandalous summer clothes AND a good excuse to look good naked just for your fuck partner.

8. Friends

No summer is complete or fun if you can't enjoy it with other people. Summer always reminds me of road trips and car singalongs to my favorite bands with my friends. I love spending nights walking along the lake or having late dinners outside. Summer is what you make of it and I always love including people I care about. It just makes summer go along a lot easier. I MEAN ALSO WHO ARE YOU GOING TO SHARE YOUR SEX STORIES WITH???? Because what's the point of having summer sex if you can't tell anyone about it, right?????

SUMMER!!!

Do you want a taco???

An exchange that just happened between me and some random dickhead and his friend in a car at the end of my street just now.
The car drives by and the guy shouts out his window, "what's up!" 
When he sees that I'm startled he says sorry and pulls into the bank parking lot by the end of my street. As I'm walking the guy drives back and asks, "hey do you want this extra taco?"
I say no because FUCK THAT SHIT.
The dickhead in the car then responds with, "why are you so scared?"
This response pissed me off so I just said, "oh I don't know maybe you shouldn't be shouting to random strangers on the street at 1:30 in the morning."
Dickhead responds with, "why don't you go home and cry to your boyfriend?"
To then I respond with, "why don't you go and suck your own dick since no one else will do it for you."
You guys one day if you never hear from me again it's probably because I am DEAD.
Also, fuck creeps.