Silly ho

I just want everyone that is reading this to know that it is currently 1:13 a.m. on a Wednesday night and I am sitting in front of my computer listening to TLC's FANMAIL on Spotify. FUCKING THROWBACK Y'ALL! I totally owned this CD when I was 11 and before I hit puberty. Oh memories. Also, I can't believe my mom let me own that CD because they do in fact have a song on the album called, "Silly Ho." Good times!

Anyway moving on to the point of this post, sorry my mind tends to wander and get super ADD this late at night when I am sitting in front of my computer.

Wait....what was I saying? OH RIGHT the purpose of this post which probably isn't that entertaining anyway but I am writing about it anyway.

Last night I was doing my usual thing for waiting for the bus when this guy standing next to me pulls out his headphones, looks at me, points to Berlin and says, "Is that a gay club?" I just laugh and say, yes. He looked confused and kind of disgusted at the same time. He then said something along the lines of how it was weird because he would never see something like that in his country. Since I am a curious person I asked where he was from and I couldn't really understand him when he said the city but I did hear him say that it was somewhere in Eastern Asia.

At this point I just laughed and said this is nothing, it is only Tuesday on the weekends it gets crazy there. He looked confused and disgusted again. He asked me if there were any lesbian bars and I told him I didn't know but I am pretty sure most gay bars are also just lesbian bars. I pointed towards Halsted and told him how the whole street was filled with nothing but bars like that. He continued to look disgusted and I said there's nothing wrong with it and that gay people are no different than anyone else. I guess coming from a country where people aren't allowed to be open about how they are as people it would be kind of weird seeing a bunch of tall buff men parading around in glittery spandex leggings, crop-tops, fake eyelashes, and sporting cleavage that I could only wish for most days.

This guy then told me about a guy that comes into his work (who apparently is gay) and talks to him all the time and asks him to hang out. He asked for my advice and asked me what he should do. I guess the guy that asked him to hang out wouldn't stop asking him out even though he had said no. He then told me how this guy kept texting him. I asked him if he gave him his phone number and he said yes but hey I can't blame the guy I don't know how many times I have given my phone number to some dude just because I felt bad and didn't want to hurt their feelings even though I was totally not interested at all. Gee, I am such a great person.

Ahhh so the bus comes and we both get on and he asks me if he could sit next to me. Since I am such a great, nice, awesome, fantastic, amazing person I said yes and also I didn't want to be rude. He talked to me a little bit more. I learned that he worked at Phillys Best on Clark and Belmont AND the one in Evanston and that he moved here to study English. He is studying English at some school in Skokie. The conversation finally died and I didn't make any attempt to talk anymore because I was tired and I couldn't believe I even talked to him that much anyway. I didn't feel like he was a creep or anything either he just seemed like he wanted to talk to someone since he is obviously new to this country. Late night conversations with strangers are always the most interesting.

Oh yeah DON'T PULL OUT ON ME YET!

Just another Saturday night on Clark Street.

This past Saturday night I was out and about and these are all real things that happened while I walked to my bus stop from Clark and Addison to Clark and Belmont.


Some dude coming up to me and asking me how do I like my eggs and then asking if I liked them scrambled or fertilized. I immediately responded with, "get the fuck out of here."

Then some other dude called me mini-me. First off no short person likes being called mini-me nor is that a way to get someone's attention. Also, not the first time I've heard mini-me. Be original dude and seriously get the fuck out of here.

Oh and I saw some dude purposefully knock over a Chicago Tribune newspaper holder and then saw an undercover cop go after him. I'm glad they're keeping an eye out for the serious crimes on clark street. I guess that's why no one was trying to break up that fight in front exedus II because they were busy taking care of real shit like knocked over newspaper stands.

Wrigleyville you're killing it!

PENS

So last week this lady came into my store to look at pens. Now normally this would be fine except she took a whole half hour to look at them. She took every single color that we had and looked at herself in the mirror holding all the different colors. She then kept asking me what color I thought best suited her. After all that she left without buying a pen and I was kind of annoyed.

Tonight the same lady came back into our store to look at our pens. I made a comment about she came back and she responded with, "oh I'm not buying anything tonight."

She then took another 15 minutes looking at them in the mirror again and this time she made me hold each pen to see how they looked on another person. Pens. PENS! This bitch took this long to look at some fucking pens. If she had to take this long to even THINK about what pen she wanted to buy I don't even want to think about jhhow long it takes her everyday to try to decide whether or not she has to take a shit. BAH. ANYWAY she mentioned how she needed to go another pen store so I told her to go to the other pen store and if she was still thinking about our pens then her decision was made for her.

She answered with, "I know I've been thinking about them all week. Just thinking about them makes me happy."
Then she left without saying anything else. I like my job and all but sometimes the people that come in there make me want to stab out my eyeball with a butter knife.

Is everyone out here racist?

If you couldn't tell I am going to try my best to actually update this blog because even after 4 years I still witness and encounter a lot of crazy people and people tell me all the time that I should blog about it, so here I am trying to start this shit up again.


Anywho, about a month ago I was waiting for the bus on Wednesday night around midnight. Out of nowhere I hear this guy say, "is everyone out here racist?"

I was very confused why this dude was saying this and was even more confused when I realized that he was talking to me.

He must have seen the confusion on my face and then he repeated himself, "is everyone out here racist?"
I responded with, "I am sorry I have no idea what you're talking about."
Random dude responded with, "It just seems like people out here don't like black people." Just in case you were wondering yes he was black. I looked around me to see if anyone was hearing our conversation because there were about 20 other people waiting around this bus stop. Sure enough I could tell that some people were listening to our conversation as it only got more interesting.

He then looked at me and said, "Is you married?" I said. "no." He then asked, "Is you single?" Lying I responded with a no again. THEN he asked, "Is you taken?"

At this point I just wanted to scream, "MOTHERFUCKER IS YOU SERIOUS????"

I don't know if I was more annoyed at the fact that he was stupid or the fact that he was just fucking stupid.

He said a few other things and I couldn't really understand him so I told him that I didn't understand anything he was saying and I think he could finally tell that I was annoyed. He looked at me and said, "Uhhhhh alright I'll leave you alone but you don't have a sister or a cousin that you could hook me up with??"

I didn't say anything else because I was blown away by what a huge idiot this dude was and how he was even talking to me in the first place because I was wearing a huge fur hood and you could only see some of my face.

I really wish I had a tattoo of a dick or something on my neck so that later if I did buy into his poor attempt at a pick up line that he would regret it and think of a more creative and more intelligent way to pick up women.

Cheesies

Now this wasn't while I was on the CTA but it was on my way to the bus one night.

I walked by Cheesies that's located on the corner of Belmont and Sheffield and I walked by a group of men and while I was walking past them I overheard one them say, "If a bitch told me to shut the fuck up and eat that pussy, then I am going to eat the shit out of that pussy."

The first thing that popped into my mind was what was the entire context of that conversation?

The second thing I thought was what sparked this conversation in the first place?

The third thing that popped into my head was, damn should have gotten that guy's phone number.